you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
