The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
