i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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