I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
