First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
