The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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