Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sober January is a disaster.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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