You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
