My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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