I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
