Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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