Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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