I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My vagina just recognized that song.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
