oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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