This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
