It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
