i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
