Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
