Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You can't just leave with hair like that
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
