the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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