we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
