How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
