If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
