So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
