how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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