She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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