This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
