You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
