i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
