before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
