I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Operation Purity has been aborted
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
