You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
