...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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