He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
