I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
