i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
