I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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