Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
