so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
