swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I see more hoeing in ur future
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