Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
