His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
