well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
