so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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