You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
