this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
