Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
