enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
