So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
