haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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