Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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